A shorter edition of this piece was published in the New Statesman on 5/10/13
http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/2013/10/juggling-babies-and-books-how-be-mother-and-writer
Eighty-five years have passed since Virginia Woolf
delivered a series of lectures to young women students at Cambridge, which
formed the basis of her famous feminist essay “A Room of One’s Own.” To aid her
argument that women required a distinct physical space in order to write
fiction, to attain distance from the demands of the patriarchal family unit,
she created the character of Judith Shakespeare. The bard’s fictional sister
was just as innately talented as the famous playwright but restricted by a lack
of education and the social expectations of her day. Even though it is still
not a level playing field, the twenty-first century has witnessed the
proliferation of many talented Judiths in all fields of the arts. Examination
statistics indicate that young women today are consistently outperforming their
male peers at school, in a reversal of the conditions that saw Woolf herself
denied a formal education. However, what if Woolf had chosen not to focus upon
Shakespeare’s sister, but looked instead at his mother? What if Mary Arden had
been an unfulfilled creative genius, her mind brimming with characters and
storylines as she went about the business of raising her family?
It may seem anachronistic today to resurrect the old
debate about female creativity and motherhood. No one now doubts the abilities
of women to achieve the highest accolades in literary and artistic fields. Since
Woolf illustrated the extremes of the debate in her 1927 novel To The Lighthouse, women know they don’t
have to belong to one camp or the other. They do not need to choose between
being the “artist” (Lily Briscoe) or the “mother” (Mrs Ramsay.) In fact, many push
themselves to do both simultaneously, succumbing to expectations that women
will achieve at every level in their professional and private lives. Luckily
though, the pressure to accomplish this effortlessly, without complaint or
hiccup or smudged mascara, is being challenged. Feminist writer Debora Spar’s
new book attacks the myth of the superwoman, saying that women can’t have it all
and shouldn’t expect to. Of course this is something of a first world problem. I’m
not trying to claim writing mothers as a persecuted minority, or overlook the
fathers that write and raise healthy, happy children on their own. Likewise,
I’m aware that there are many more significant discussions to be had regarding
literacy, class, ethnicity and expectations. I’m simply interested in returning
to the scenario presented by Woolf in the 1920s and widening it a little to
examine whether this debate is ever really redundant.
Woolf attempts a compromise by suggesting her
heroine, Mrs Ramsay, is an artist by dint of her creative nature. As a mother,
nurse, wife and hostess, she constantly brings people together and forms the
glue of family life. She personifies the Angel in the House as Woolf’s own
mother did, before her premature death at forty-nine, worn out by caring for
others. Post-Impressionist Mark Gertler said a similar thing about his own
mother, Golda, a warm East End Jewess whom he described as the only “modern
artist.” Yet while there is an art to living, a real value in creating a warm,
nurturing home, it isn’t really a substitute for producing the discernible
“works” that the literary or artistic mind craves. Thus, it is incumbent for
writing mothers today to find their own personal balance, through the careful
allocation of resources and the support of partners, family and friends. Woolf
didn’t have children and her arguments didn’t include the dilemma of the
creative mother with several young ones to care for. The descendants of her
Cambridge audience may have absorbed her message but they are still treading a
fine line between meeting the needs of their families and seeking artistic
fulfilment. Back in 1898, the promising young artist Edna Clarke Hall, commented
on her struggle to carry on painting after her marriage, that “a women’s
responsibilities lie equally with their children and in the development of the
powers in herself which are her true expression.” This is just as true, in
2013, as it was then.
So how do women do it? Having written and published
four books, plus a number of articles, reviews and running a blog since the
birth of my first son in 2010, this is a question I am often asked. My answer
is that I have become a very focused, opportunistic writer; I compose on the
kitchen table whilst my toddlers rampage about me, writing a paragraph here and
there before I head off to change a nappy or play a game of Thomas the Tank
Engine. (Ironically, I always have to be Emily, never Thomas.) I don’t have the
luxury a room of my own but somehow I have managed to find a writing
“compartment” inside my head. Things get stored in there and ripen, until the
time that I can dash to the keyboard and bang out a few hundred words. It isn’t
easy and it wouldn’t be possible without the support of my husband, who will
take the boys out for a few hours on the weekend or over to the park when he
gets back from work. I think I’m very lucky in this respect and it made me
wonder about the decisions other writing mothers make; the sacrifices,
allocating and balancing time, the ambition and possibly, the guilt. Managing
the transition from Judith Shakespeare to Mary Arden is not easy; I asked some
other women how they’d gone about it.
Almost unanimously, the twenty-first century mothers
did not find that juggling their writing with their family life came easily. Many
were able to achieve it only with the support of others or by reorganising their lives. Joanne St Clair, author and founder of
Naked Raver, found that following a tight timetable helped, which prioritised
different people at different times, according to need. Before that, she says, “it
seemed that childcare naturally came as my responsibility, hence my writing got
pushed to the side.” By working with a series of short time slots, she and her
family have found the “best balance with all the resources we have.” Features
writer, blogger and PR consultant, Fiona Scott, ensures that she and her family
do at least one thing together a day that gets them out of the house, such as a
walk or trip to the park. It is maintaining this family closeness whilst your
mind rapidly races through your next chapter that can prove difficult. Of
course, writing can take months, even years and does not yield instant result.
“Overnight success” is never an overnight phenomenon. Fiona rightly stresses the need
for planning and hard slog, which sometimes necessitates working for free to
establish an author’s name, as I've done on many occasions. While the difficulties facing writing mothers are
very similar to those experienced by all working parents, even the established
writer must expend considerable time on work that does not result in a pay
packet.
Writing mothers have to take the long-term view. Historical
biographer Debra sometimes notices that her mind wanders into the fifteenth century when she is with her
children but she knows they are happy and healthy and will benefit in the
future from their mother being fulfilled. Royalty blogger Samantha felt the
same but balanced this with a sense of responsibility to herself. Likewise
Emma, a fantasy and horror novelist, suspects she is not the same dedicated
mother before she started writing but takes a pragmatic approach to family
life, wisely realising that her children won’t remember the house being untidy
or their mum being tired but will recall a house full of “magical stories” and
proudly tell their friends and teachers that “mummy writes books.” Katharine,
who used to be a university lecturer and now writes historical fiction for
young adults, made a conscious choice not to spend time on the traditional
female obligations of cleaning, grooming or shopping, in favour of making her
daughter proud. She is able to discuss her characters and plot lines with her
eight year old, who plans to illustrate her mother’s books one day.
Ultimately, writing mothers have made a choice and
they know it. Their dilemmas are very similar to those of all working mothers,
yet as Rebecca, a TV writer and PhD student acknowledges, she is “lucky to be
paid to do something I enjoy” and believes it important that she has a creative
outlet. Even when this choice can lead to financial difficulties, writing
mothers want their children to benefit from their talent and the example they
set provides the family with a sense of hope, a vision of hard work and high
aspiration. Samantha sees writing as providing something that fulfils her
creativity and will leave a legacy for two sons. She feels a “sense of
responsibility” given the misogynistic presentation of women’s roles in the
media and hopes to break this cycle by example. These women are driven by
passion and a compulsion to write; as Katharine admits, “I find myself doing it
when I’m not looking.” Amid all the struggles it necessitates, we persist
because, in the words of blogger and businesswoman Helen, we “love it!” It is
this drive that connects female artists and writers of all eras.
The lives of Woolf and her sister, the post-modern
artist Vanessa Bell, provide an answer to the comment “women can’t write, women
can’t paint,” voiced in To The Lighthouse.
Still rightly revered as a giant of modernism, Woolf’s reputation is still
stronger than Bell’s, whose life encompassed motherhood as well as art. Even
though Vanessa’s life was made easier by the presence of nannies, she was a
devoted parent and this necessitated some juggling when her three children were
small. A century ago, childcare was shared between the mother and hired help,
in varying proportions from the middle classes upwards. Today, child minders
and nurseries play invaluable roles in the lives of working mothers, particularly
for those who are single. Also, the nature of writing, the flexible, freelance
aspect to it, means that it is often relegated to the status of “a hobby that
pays well” and squeezed in around the shared workload of partners. Most of the
women I spoke to fitted their writing around their children’s routine, before
they woke in the morning and after they had gone to sleep at night. Others
fitted it in whenever and wherever they could; Kerry writes on the train to
work and in their lunch hour, Joanne uses a walk as an opportunity and piles of
notebooks can be found all round blogger Vicky’s house.
Woolf’s writing evokes the image of her and her
sister as young women, dressed in their late Victorian gowns, standing at an
easel or desk in their converted Bloomsbury nursery. Woolf, a major figure of
literary modernism, was first published by her brother-in-law’s firm, Duckworth
and company, before beginning the Hogarth Press with her husband Leonard. The
changing nature of self-publishing and cheap, widespread access to the internet
has facilitated women’s writing in a way that was unthinkable to Woolf’s contemporaries.
Katharine draws support from online groups and for historical researchers, like
myself, social networking sites and electronic texts provide an interface
without which our work would not be possible. Still, the publicity alone
requires commitment and time; Kerry describes herself as “taken aback by the
amount of self-publicity required.” However, the lack of career opportunities
for arts graduates makes freelance writing a really valuable alternative for
working mothers and even those wishing to return to established careers can
find their post-child lives are no longer compatible. Helen had worked as an
analyst but having small children just didn’t make it a feasible career. Those
who can write are increasingly adapting their lives and taking to their
keyboards. My career wouldn’t have been possible without the internet; Woolf’s
room of one’s own is now unquestionably a virtual one.
Women’s determination to carve out spaces to write also springs from a conviction that female fulfilment is important, and significantly different from work for work’s sake. I know exactly what Joanne means when she describes writing as her “medicine,” of the need to do “what burns within” and give expression to “an essential part of who I am.” This isn’t to be confused with selfishness. Writing has a place in these women’s lives which is often flexible according to the needs of their children; it brings them the benefits of a mother who has found a creative outlet, as well as setting the examples of dedication and hard work. In Helen’s words: “writing has given me the freedom to be the mother I wanted to be.” Woolf’s debate of 1928 focused on the Judith Shakespeares of her world; the women like her who strove to write and paint in the face of opposition from those wishing them to fill more conventional roles. Factor children into this equation and it remains relevant even when we may think this battle should already have been won.
Many thanks go to the busy mothers who took time to share their thoughts with me:
Helen Neale of www.kiddycharts.com
Kerry Barrett, author of “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered” (October 2013) www.kerrybarrettwriter.wordpress.com
Joanne St Claire, author and founder of www.thenakedraver.com
Fiona Scott of www.mumsinmedia.co.uk
Vicky of www.singlemotherahoy.blogspot.com
Samantha Arbisi of www.deadroyalty.wordpress.com
Rebecca Ellis
Debra Bayani, biographer of Jasper Tudor
Katharine